The performers under this Big Top include the following:
Mommy – myself
Daddy – my co-Ringmaster and calmer half
Bean – two-year-old big sister
BG – baby girl
BB – baby boy
***
Scene opens on a dark living room lit only by the flickering light of the television re-playing “Big Bang Theory” seasons on a continuous loop. See exhausted Mommy dozing on couch, waking to sound of crying infant.
2:10am – feed BG, change diaper (twice)
2:45am – feed BB, change diaper
3:10am – Mommy resumes cat nap
4:45am – wake up Daddy for his shift
5:03am – wake up Daddy, again
5:08am – Mommy sleeps
8:10am – awoken by Bean screaming her wake-up bellows; attempt to return to sleep
8:18am – give up and get up; find Daddy in the kitchen with Bean in high chair, BB in bouncy chair, BG in baby bucket on floor (re-purposed laundry-type container from Ikea); move BB to rocker in living room and take BG from bucket and feed
8:30am – overhear Daddy trying to convince Bean to eat breakfast
8:33am – Chuckles the cat throws up on carpet
8:34am – Bean turns fussing into meltdown; Daddy gives up and releases her from the kitchen
8:36am – BB wakes up in rocker; lets us know he’s starving now; Daddy preps bottle; I rock BB with big toe while continuing to feed BG
8:37am – Bean announces she pooped (without going to the potty)
8:38am – Daddy takes Bean to the bathroom and cleans her up
8:39am – I put half-fed BG down in rocker; pick up screaming BB and change diaper
8:41am – Bean all clean now; Daddy feeds BB; I resume feeding BG
8:55am – Bean requests a tissue; refuses to walk by cat puke on carpet
8:56am – I finish feeding BG
9:01am – I bribe Bean into finishing breakfast or no pool today
9:02am – recall I never changed BG’s diaper; change diaper; put happy (and grateful) BG back in rocker
9:03am – resume feeding Bean; start to wash dishes and tidy kitchen; quickly abandon and clean up cat puke instead
9:10am – Bean requests Elmo on TV; request denied; screaming ensues; manage to redirect toddler angst with reading books on couch
9:20am – peace ensues; babies fed, Bean reading, Daddy reading news; I grab breakfast and check email
9:33am – take continued peaceful opportunity to set up sewing machine; need to sew two straight lines; bobbin empty at half-way point; review manual for how to re-thread bobbin
9:44am – request from Bean for dancing; abandon sewing; turn on current favorite, “Mamma Mia,” and commence day’s first Tire the Toddler Out (TTO) activity with living room dancing
9:55am – prep Bean for pool with potty-time, dress in swim diaper and swimsuit, prepare and pack snack and water for her, water for me, get in own swimsuit, get towels and change of clothes, load up stroller, walk to pool
10:10am – arrive at pool; “swim” with Bean (second TTO activity)
10:45am – get out of pool; change Bean into dry clothes; dry off self
10:55am – walk over to playground; let Bean play; chat with other mommies
11:10am – load up stroller with Bean, snacks, water, and make sure we have our towels, suits, etc.; walk back home
11:20am – return home; Daddy feeding BG; BB sleeping in rocker
11:22am – unpack stroller; head off to take quick shower
11:25am – Bean joins me in the bathroom to play with the shower curtain; hands me toys to play with; helps me put lotion on my legs
11:50am – Daddy changes BG diaper; I take over BG feeding; Daddy takes Bean to kitchen for lunch
11:57am – BB wakes up fussing; Daddy changes BB diaper and puts BB back in rocker; I continue to feed BG and rock BB with my foot; Bean has another meltdown in kitchen and refuses to eat; Daddy takes her to bedroom for a nap; refuses nap so returns to kitchen for lunch
12:04pm – BG falls asleep with bottle in mouth; I change BG diaper again; put her in rocker
12:11pm – BB and BG start stirring; I sing a few rounds of “Soft Kitty” while double rocking; they start to fall back asleep
12:27pm – BB and BG asleep; I overhear Daddy playing rhyming games with Bean in the kitchen; grab moment to skim next chapter in “Twin Sleep” book (suggests keeping sleep log, but the thought of adding a sleep log to our existing poop/feed log is too exhausting at this stage; will log later)
12:30pm – Daddy wipes down Bean; puts her down for a nap; does quick clean up of kitchen and high-chair (in prep for next meal)
12:55pm – Mommy and Daddy doze in living room (cats, too)
2:15pm – wake up; check email; place order for third snot-sucker on Amazon (no sharing)
2:45pm – re-attempt to re-thread bobbin; re-review manual
2:50pm – BG wakens; Daddy diapers and feeds her
2:53pm – BB wakens; I abandon bobbin (again); get bottle and feed BB
3:10pm – change BB diaper (twice); BB resumes eating
3:35pm – put content BB in rocker; wake up Bean from nap
3:42pm – pick up non-content BB again
3:43pm – read “Ernie’s Big Mess” to Bean while consoling BB
3:47pm – re-read “Ernie’s Big Mess” to Bean (sigh)
4:03pm – put BB and BG down in rockers
4:04pm – read “Elmo’s Nursery Rhymes” with Bean (reading Cookie Monster’s Pat-a-Cake page, twice)
4:10pm – read “Barnyard Dance” while Bean acts it out
4:17pm – dig through Bean’s toy bin for missing Tigger figure (no dice)
4:23pm – BB and BG wake up; Daddy and I got to kitchen to prep bottles; ignore towering pile of dirty dishes
4:24pm – Bean announces she has to use the potty; abandon bottle and run to address potty needs
4:26pm – finish with potty needs; grab bottle from the kitchen; scoop up screaming BB and feed him
4:34pm – Bean hands me “Miss Spider’s Tea Party” to read; sits next to me and BB; asks for water; I ask her to wait a few minutes (difficult lesson to learn)
4:47pm – carry dozing BB to kitchen; get requested ice water for Bean
4:49pm – change BB diaper
4:53pm – swaddle BB and put down for nap
5:08pm – phone rings; Bean starts to squeeze Hug-Me-Elmo to get him to sing; I ask her to do something quiet while I’m on the phone and babies are trying to sleep (another hard lesson to learn)
5:15pm – finish with phone call; Daddy finishes feeding BG; changes her diaper; puts her down for a nap
5:16pm – fix Bean’s water bottle as it leaked all over me and the couch while I was on the phone
5:18pm – ask Bean to help me clear a foot path in the living room and put away piles of books, animals, a tea set, a tricycle, blocks, plastic people, and play food
5:45pm – I resume bobbin threading; re-thread needle; resume sewing straight lines
6:00pm – Daddy asks what I’m sewing (hearing me curse under my breath as I re-read the manual, yet again). “I’m sewing a toddler pillow. I’m just cutting an adult pillow in half and sewing them up again; really simple. Plus it’s cheaper than spending $30 on a silly little toddler pillow.”
6:05pm – Daddy takes Bean outside in garden to play (third TTO activity); I could finish sewing or start on dishes; sewing wins
6:13pm – finish sewing my two “straight” lines; I check out my work, uneven, dropped stitches everywhere and my “straight” lines are actually zig-zag
6:17pm – put away sewing machine
6:24pm – complete Amazon purchase of new toddler pillow and case
6:54pm – stick my head outside to watch Bean watering our grass with the hose (under Daddy’s supervision)
7:15pm – Daddy and Bean come in; Daddy gives Bean a bath; Bean comes into the living room for her nightly toga-towel show
7:22pm – Daddy showers; I put Bean in her high chair; prepare little pizzas and listen for baby bellows; try to explain cooking time to Bean who wants her pizza NOW
7:37pm – BB wakes up; I prepare bottle; Daddy sits in kitchen with Bean waiting on pizzas
7:38pm – I feed BB
7:55pm – change BB diaper; resume feeding BB
8:15pm – finish feeding BB; put down in rocker; wake up BG for feeding
8:19pm – overhear Daddy giving Bean lessons on how to eat pizza, “No licking it! It’s not ice cream!” (Bean laughs) “See, isn’t that better? You are now an official pizza eater.” (pause) “Cheerios don’t belong on pizza!” (Bean laughs, again) “See, this is how a baby dinosaur eats pizza!” (whatever works)
8:30pm – BB fussy; Daddy finishes with dinner and wipes down Bean; Daddy picks up BB; Bean goes and gets her baby doll
8:31pm – Bean announces she’s “nursing” and lifts up her shirt for her baby doll; then squinches her face and says, “Fussy,” and grabs the bottle instead (mimicry, indeed)
8:37pm – storytime with Daddy, Bean and BB in the recliner; I change BG’s diaper
8:38pm – resume feeding BG
8:45pm – Louie the cat comes through screaming for dinner
8:47pm – finish feeding BG; put her down in the rocker; feed the cats
8:50pm – do quick pick-up of toys and books (more for safety than aesthetics)
8:56pm – take dozy BB from Daddy; Daddy takes Bean to go get ready for bed (brush teeth, get pajamas, etc.)
8:57pm – change BB diaper
8:53pm – hand BB off to Daddy; grab BG; traipse back down hall to Bean’s room for nightly family sing-along (“She’ll Be Coming ‘Round the Mountain,” three verses, “Old MacDonald,” three verses, “Row Row,” and “Twinkle Twinkle”); kisses for all
9:10pm – put babies back in rockers
9:14pm – I heat up dinner and attempt to eat
9:20pm – BB hungry; put dinner down; go get bottle; feed BB
9:24pm – Bean bellows (we tell her to go to sleep)
9:48pm – change BG diaper
9:50pm – all three start settling down; finish snarfing (cold) dinner
10:01pm – BG fussy; wants to be held
10:09pm – BG falls asleep in my arms; put back in rocker
10:25pm – BG fussy again; try feeding, but she’s not interested; wants to wiggle
10:35pm – BG finally eats
10:45pm – BG done with eating; Daddy takes her from me and puts her in the rocker
11:05pm – Mommy dozes on couch
12:35am – BB grumbling; I get up to get bottle; Daddy heads off to bed
12:37am – feed BB; change diaper; re-swaddle and put in crib
1:33am – BG grumbling; I get bottle; feed; change diaper; re-swaddle and put in crib
2:00am – Mommy dozes on couch
2:12am – BB fusses
2:16am – move BB from crib to rocker; rock with finger while lying on couch
2:21am – change BB diaper; feed BB
2:50am – re-swaddle; put BB back down in crib
2:54am – fussing continues; move BB back to rocker; rock with finger while lying on couch
2:59am – BB asleep; Mommy dozes
4:00am – wake up Daddy for his shift; head off to bed
***
So... who’s coming to visit first?
